WHEN MIGHT MY CHILD NEED SOME EXTRA SUPPORT?

As parents and carers, we all know that children and young people have difficult days. Children can be grumpy, anxious, tearful or frustrated, while teenagers may become more private, independent or emotional as they navigate adolescence.

These things can be a normal part of growing up.  So, how do we know when a child or young person might benefit from some additional support?

Look for changes 

One of the most useful things parents can do is to notice changes from their child’s usual behaviour.  You know your child best. If they seem noticeably different from their usual selves, particularly when the change continues over time or begins to interfere with everyday life, it may be worth checking in.

Some things to look out for include:

Emotional changes

• becoming unusually sad, tearful, anxious, angry or irritable
• appearing overwhelmed by things they would normally manage
• becoming increasingly fearful or worried
• expressing feelings of hopelessness, worthlessness or being a burden.

Changes in behaviour

• withdrawing from family or friends
• losing interest in activities they previously enjoyed
• becoming unusually quiet or, conversely, much more reactive or difficult to settle
• displaying behaviours that seem out of character
• becoming increasingly dependent on parents or reluctant to be away from home.

Changes in physical wellbeing

• significant changes in sleep
• changes in appetite or eating
• frequent headaches, stomach aches or feeling unwell without an obvious physical explanation
• appearing consistently tired or lacking energy.

Changes at school

• reluctance or refusal to attend school
• difficulty concentrating or completing work
• a noticeable change in academic performance
• withdrawing from peers or activities
• increased conflict with teachers or other students.

For older children and adolescents, you might also notice increased isolation, changes in friendships, changes in appearance or self-care, or a significant increase in time spent online.

It’s the pattern that matters 

Seeing one or two of these behaviours does not necessarily mean that something is wrong.

Children and young people experience ups and downs, and their behaviour can change as they develop. What is more concerning is when several changes occur together, persist over time, are becoming more intense, or begin to interfere with home life, friendships, learning or activities they normally enjoy.

Rather than asking, “Does my child have a mental health problem?”, it can be more helpful to ask: “Is my child struggling, and what might help?”

Start with a conversation 

You don’t need to have the answers before you talk to your child.  Choose a calm moment and let them know what you’ve noticed: “I’ve noticed you’ve seemed a little different lately. How have things been going?”

For younger children, talking while drawing, playing, walking or doing something together can make conversation feel less confronting.

For teenagers, sometimes simply letting them know that you’ve noticed and are available to listen can be the best starting point.

Try to listen before offering solutions. Young people are often more likely to open up when they feel that they are being heard rather than judged.

Don’t wait for things to become a crisis 

If you are concerned, it is okay to seek advice early. Support might begin with a conversation with your child’s teacher, a member of the school’s wellbeing team, your GP or another health professional. Sometimes a few conversations and some practical changes can make a significant difference. At other times, more specialised support may be helpful.

  The school’s Dash page includes a “Counselling Referral” button for Penquite students. This can be an effective starting point for student or caregivers seeking to access counselling support and wellbeing services.

When should I be particularly concerned? 

Seek professional advice if your child’s difficulties are persistent, worsening or significantly affecting their everyday life.

If a child or young person talks about wanting to die, suicide, self-harm, or not wanting to be here, take this seriously and seek immediate professional support. In an emergency, call 000. You can also contact Lifeline on 13 11 14.

Trust your instincts 

Parents sometimes wonder whether they are overreacting or whether a behaviour is simply “a phase”. It is important to remember that you don’t need to diagnose your child. Your role is to notice changes, stay connected, listen without judgement and help your child access support when they need it. Sometimes the most important thing we can say to a child is simply: “I’ve noticed things seem a bit difficult at the moment. You don’t have to manage it on your own. Let’s work out what might help.”

Kylie Wolstencroft
Director of Wellbeing – Penquite